Here’s a fact, brother mine. Being high makes no difference. I know you think it’s another world when you’re doing nothing, and life is boring, but that’s where you find two things. A better distraction or the balls to accept the world as it is. Dull and monotonous, sprinkled with just enough nonsense and incredibility to keep us asking for more.
Recovery is hard work, only because you have to be doing something. Your addiction is your inner winner looking for a means to succeed. And where else have you excelled than in your own self destruction? Despite your unending ferocity and dedication trying to prove to yourself a failure.
What murders me is how easy you make it look. If only you found the way to aim it at being better. Sobriety is a state of mourning to you, and I’m aware of it. The thing about sorrow is it becomes easier to bare. But don’t think you can ever let it go. Part of you dies with it, and that’s good. It needs no reviving. No one wanted it around in the first place.
Keep up the hard work. It fits you.