It mostly boils down to what you want to make a difference in. What temperature you want from life. And for a while, you’ll be lost in between trying a little piece of everything until you hit a point where you realize yourself as the person you really are.
The result of all your actions will look back at you from the mirror, flip you the bird and tell you it’s all your fucking fault. No one else’s. You are to blame for everything. You’ll realize that your true mistake, was being born in the first place.
And now you’re riding this fuck up, spinning it around, pushing your luck and spitting in the world’s face, telling it you’re actually better. But you’re not. You just learn to ignore that little voice in the back of your head, letting you know what you really are like. Reminding you that you’re the same piece of shit you thought you were the last time.
Now you’re just better at it. Sometimes it flickers in your head like a used up lamp. You sense it. You try to mask it in any way you can imagine. Advertising definitely helps. You can become a better person if you buy our product. Some people fall for that. But not many.
No . It’s our nature. That’s what drives us. Looking for the next best things to be distracted by. Anything that fills up the time just long enough to ignore the sudden moments of illumination from that little hopeful tinker in our minds.
Sometimes the light works. It throws you down and kicks you in the stomach until vomit starts dripping out of your nose. Shows you who you are. Top of the food chain, but also the lowest. You learn how useless you are. How pathetic you can truly be. When you’re all alone with that flickering light.
You’re lucky when you learn that. It gives you an edge. When you know what you’re useless in, you know what you’re useful for. Diamonds take a similar path. But you’re not an integral part of military engineering. You’re a person. That can do stuff.
How good you are is up to you. The playing field’s chaotically unfair nature is what makes it so just. It’s no one’s fault, because we’re in a broken statistics game that never sold more than four copies. You’re not supposed to do anything, because the game is rigged against you. You’re never right. You know no truth other than your own incapability.
Bless the man that knows how much he is capable of doing. Because he will be doing it. That is the only standard. You are the result of all your past and future mistakes. So too you will understand. Arising can only occur after impotence.
Everyone gets hard sometime. The ones that don’t just haven’t found what to get off on, because we’re being bombarded by all these options, like we have any Fucking idea what all of that shit means. Crossfit, Apple or Android, snapchat, vapes, cigarettes, biking. It just is. And we’re going through the motions like everyone else. Straight to the dark mysterious place we graduate to from earth.